Aquaman

My neighbor thinks he is Aquaman. He loves to go scuba diving. Scott has taken many classes and has gained many certifications. He has been all over diving. Scott's diving buddies call him bubbles. I am not so sure that they wouldn't call me something worse due to seeing some of his underwater pictures of sharks in his face. He uses more O2 than most when he dives hence bubbles. He got the bright idea that he should strengthen his lungs. Scott bought a breathing apparatus for that purpose. He was so excited and like a man just briefly read the directions. Exercise away. He breaths in and holds it. He breaths in and holds it and does this 24 times before he hits the floor. Scott hyperventilated and passed out. If he had only read the directions and did the exercises the way they described he wouldn't be wearing a knot on his head. Good thing when you pass out from hyperventilation, you go back to your normal breathing pattern, since he was alone. I can't believe he gave us this hysterical revelation about himself. I guess we will have to go and check on him more and take all toys away till he learns to read. So much for a wonderfully smart man who saved a drowning boy scout on a dive. Maybe, we should just let him play aquaman more often.

Klitty Litter

Went to mom's for game night last PM. I lost really big in Hearts but still had a grand time picking on everyone. We had a lot of people there last night so we broke it up into different rooms. Everyone met in the kitchen periodically to devour some yummy peanut butter brownies or nosh on some good eats. They were noisy in the other room but we maintained our game very strategically. My brother rubbed it in about the blog and how I kind of picked on Nair butt, so for him I will share my most embarrassing moment.
As a nurse, doing cauterization on some women came be a real big pain. Girls, you need to keep muffy trimmed. It allows for a more sterile and easier job when things are clean. Well, I practice what I preach. One evening prior to my 12 hour shift, I showered and shaved. The shave part is where I got into trouble. I was in a hurry. Girls if you are going to shave those special places make sure to take your time. I nicked the little man in the boat. I bled like a stuffed pig.
I had to hold pressure for quite a while which made me late for my charge nurse shift at the hospital. I finally arrived and had to explain to one of my better friends who was the other charge on duty, what had kept me from being there on time. I asked her not to share what had happened due to my embarrassment. I was already walking funny. She chased me around all night teasing and laughing at me. She had torn an eraser off of a pencil and kept throwing it right in front of me asking if there was something I was missing. I have to admit it was pretty funny. Just to let you know if you have klitty litter and you happen to bleed a lot, after pressure is applied to stop the bleeding, do not share the info with anyone.
The torture and fun continued all night till the bitter end. The next time I worked, doctors, nurses, and the rest of the staff were all to familiar with my plight. The pencil erasers ran amok. The laughter was ear deafening but I took it all in stride and survived. Watch out Nurse Payne your secret is safe with me.

Forget about Mama's Cheese!

This is my whine blog today, so please forgive me in advance. I have been building a web page and my PC was in the late stages of life. I had a new delivered Thursday. I have so much info on the old PC and no D drive to get it off so have been scrambling and trying to find places to put things to add to my new PC. You know I need all of that stuff and I need to have them. Well, I apparently am not as computer literate as I thought, I lost gobs of stuff and am having to find everything all over again. Hubby has been helpful in setting up the new PC and running to another room when he finds me about ready to blow up. Thanks Ker bear for all of your help and the new PC. Grumble, Grumble and a few choice words under my breath. Sassy, my older boxer , is on Lasix and has to pee every ten minutes and keeps scratching my arm to go out. I do not feel like I am getting anywhere fast. Rocks, my 125 pound, BDWD(big dumb white dog) boxer, just keeps looking up at me as if to say, mommy I think you have lost your mind and please don't kick me as you run out of the room to potty Sassy. I have game night at the Mama's with my family tonight so maybe that will help my attitude. I also will be going to brunch with one of the funniest persons that I have been so inclined to meet and call my friend today. Maybe by tomorrow I will be back on my game but for now Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, Jules is nuts, How about you!!

Grandma got her Foot Ripped Off

My grandmother was one of the most wonderful people you could ever come across. She was kind, gentle, and always there with a hug. Grandma was your best friend that you could tell anything to. She felt obliged to share with me also. I will never forget her sitting with me having lemonade and telling me she was worried about not being able to please Grandpa in bed. My goodness, they were in their late seventies or early eighties, I never would have thought they were still happy in the sack. The vision that gave me was frightful and funny at the same time.
She was a baker. Her homemade cinnamon buns put Cinnabon's to shame. We all try to duplicate them and my dearly departed brother Jim came the closest. She baked wedding cakes for people without charging. I can remember her taking the whole dining room table to make her icing roses. I was totally in awe of her skill. The women never even used a recipe. I can't forget to mention her homemade noodles or chocolate cake. Oh my!!
As grandma got older, she started to forget things. It was very frustrating for her at first, more frustrating for my grandfather, who didn't understand, but the mad cow started to take over. They did okay for a while in the big old farm house where they raised their kids. When we would go to visit, like always she was the best hostess, telling about the daily happenings in her life.
Grandma had fallen and broken her hip, as we knew from grandpa. Grandma's story was a little different. She said she couldn't get up to walk because her foot had got ripped off by a piece of farm machinery. My mother and aunt were in the background laughing so hard at the story. It was a very vivid story but my mother and aunt needed to be punished for finding humor in this sad situation of grandma not knowing what had happened to her. I gave them the evil eyes to make them stop. The evil eye only made them giggle harder.
Little did I know at that time that was just nervous laughter, I hope. For the time would come all to soon where for her and my grandfathers safety we would have to put her in a nursing home. She would get up on her ripped off foot and start a meal on the stove and then just walk away. Three fires before we were all convinced it was time. The old farmhouse was never the same without the warmth and thoughtfulness of my grandma. Sunday dinners and Christmas were amiss without her baking and stories. I miss you grandma and thank you for making my life special. Until we meet again.

Who Moved Mom's Cheese

The Drama Mama used to tell a story about the girl at school who put her lunch with Limburger cheese on the radiator at school and how the smell was horrific. They all had to sit in the classroom and smell the stench. She said it didn't go away for days. Well Angel and I moved all of mom's cheese this weekend and did it stink.
We have decided to either get her a shock collar like you use for the dogs, to prevent her from leaving the house or getting into her mail without help or move in with her. She doesn't want anyone to move in with her so I guess it is the shock collar. Mom has fibromyalgia and rheumatoid arthritis. I am sure she has fibro fog which is just a tired brain from fibromyalgia. We are collectively calling it the mad cow disease.
We have gone in and looked at all of her accounts, paper work, and organized it, closed it and opened new ones. We weren't happy to leave well enough alone and reorganized her whole living space. We will be going out to purchase her shock collar this coming weekend. No animals will be hurt in this endeavor.
Our only concern at this point with the scammed drama mama with mad cow is that she will lose her way in the house. Hopefully, we can keep her on a short leash and safe from all the harm doers out there. Hopefully, the mad cow will not prevent her from finding safety in her own home. Until next weekend I hope the cheese doesn't stink to much.

I Am Glad

I am glad I grew up in an age where we had no PCs, cell phone's, texting, one TV for all, and calculator's.

I am glad we learned to talk to people face to face. How else would you read there expressions and know if they needed a hug by just looking into there eyes.

I am glad we learned to use the library for information. While using the old fashioned way of looking up books through the card file, we became organized.

I am glad we had one TV since we learned to use our imaginations by play. We learned the value of sharing and family time.

I am glad I learned to add, subtract, multiply, and divide without a calculator. I can walk through any store and figure out how much I have before getting to the counter and not being embarrassed because I have more than I can pay for.

I know our parents had it worse when they had to walk three miles to school in the snow but I think this round of kids have it a lot worse that us and our parents. They are missing the boat on a lot of interaction and communication skills. They don't know how to play together without total competition. They couldn't organize themselves out of a wet paper bag. God forbid the cell phone calculator went out, they can not even due math. Can they sound out a word? Can the read if they didn't memorize that word in class?

I am mad at our generation for not seeing that we had it good. We always tried to do better for our kids. We did have it good and it would have been good for them too.

I hope they take the initiative to keep learning and start playing together as a team. I hope they see that there childhood lives were pretty good but turn time backwards with there kids by getting the TVs out of there bedrooms, no calculator's, cellphones, family time, and just go to the library to search books the old fashioned way.

I pray for our children since they will have our lives in there hands in a few years.

The Tattle Tell

A long time ago in a far away place, when parental corporate punish was in place, there was a tattle tell. All of the kids would have to sit at the table and wait for someone to crack and fess up to the dirty deed knowing that there would be severe consequences. We sit, we wait, and then the tattle tail cracks and spills their guts. Telling goes against the code of ethics discussed by the siblings. Punishment given, we are excused from the table. What to do now the code has been broke?? We plot further, of course, without the tattle tail baby, who didn't get his after the table incident. Humm, just beat him up...not enough. Tell on him for all the bad things he did...that makes us no better and would break our code. The fitting punishment came to one of us like a blinding light. We shall wait till the parental units go to bed, drag the blabber mouth down the stairs gagged and out the back door. We shall then take him to a tree and tie him there. The tree has to be far enough away from the house so the parents cannot here his screams for help. We tied him up and informed him if he tattled again and broke the code, there would be more severe punishment. After tied to the tree, most go back to bed, but a few go to the garage to have a celebrate our brilliance and kind of watch the kid from afar, after all there are lions, tigers, and bears out there. We celebrate the fact we are teaching the blabber mouth a lesson. We start to get tired so decide to go untie him knowing he will never tattle again. Would you? We all go to our beds and dream of days to come. No hard feelings or fouls, just love.